What have you endured for love?

Ishq. I know there are those out there who like it--even love it--but I hated every minute of it. And I expected to love it, because of the cast. Damn you, Ishq.

Oh man, Ek Din 24 Ghante.  I didn't just watch it, I purchased the DVD from the UK for something like 12 dollars, and it's still sitting there turding up my Bollywood shelf.  But I was in the beginning of my Rahul Bose thing, and Before the Rains came out in US, and then I found ED24G online.  Rahul! Nandita Das! What could possibly go wrong?  A lot, it turns out.  It's a remake of Run Lola Run, so Nandita has to run through a deserted Mumbai and there are innumerable and endless shots of her stopping in the street and then looking left.  And then looking right.  And then looking left again. Honestly, it's supposed to be a thriller and it feels like they were trying to fill up the time until they got enough for a movie.  Rahul looks either bored or annoyed through the entire thing, and Nandita does an excellent job of playing someone who's really tired of running.  I still have the Rahul thing, but now I read the reviews before I commit to watching something. 

Today is Sushmita Sen's 40th birthday, so what better occasion to share the pain she has inflicted over the years? For every Filhaal, Main Hoon Na, or Samay, there are so many Zindaggi Rocks, No Problems, or Do Knot Disturbs to suffer through.

There are many candidates for her worst film, but the winner is surely Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag. Everything about this misbegotten effort was bad and, to be fair, Sush was far from the worst thing in it. But I had to watch it because of her, and it was a hard mistake to forgive. Of course the main blame must go to RGV, who hurled himself into the pit of loony irrelevance with this awful tripe.

But there are so many other errors of judgement: Chingaari, No Problem, Paisa Vasool (a title that writes its own reviews), Bewafaa, Zindaggi Rocks, and the list goes on. An amazing woman, but with so little discernment in picking films. Still: happy birthday Sush; my devotion remains undimmed.

Kal Ho Na Ho drove me absolutely crazy. Struggled to find anything good about that movie.



OTOH, this is in my Top 5, so it's interesting how much tastes differ on BollyWhat! (I agree about the woman stuff, though. RK was always terrible at that.)

Been sticking to doing reviews only, because I feel like I used to shoot my mouth off (or keyboard) far too readily, on topics I didn't necessarily know enough to have an opinion on. On the idea that this is kind of a mini-review thread, with an emphasis on those movies with our favorite stars that we really can't recommend to others...here goes.

Sanjeev Kumar:

The bottom five percent: Priya is a nightmare fable about Tanuja's life going out of control because she wears mini skirts.  Or something.  It's weirdly compelling in spots, and has a catchy soundtrack, but most of it is boring and depressing and Sanjeev's character spends much of the movie being a judgmental grouch and STILL manages to be the nicest person with a Y-chromosome that Tanuja's character meets.  Door Nahin Manzil-booooring melodrama about an airline pilot (Sanjeev) who is presumed dead and whose girlfriend ends up married to someone else, with predictable complications.  Pretty good songs though.  Naya Din Naya Raat-Sanjeev plays nine vague, underdeveloped and largely unsympathetic caricatures; he and Jaya Badhuri have a blast and the audience decidedly does not.  Vishwasghaat-everybody hams horribly, except for Shabana, who is dryly amusing as the more down-to-earth wife/daughter-in-law of the flaky father and son played by Sanjeev.  Kaanch Ki Deewar: has Sanjeev riding a white horse at the climax, and also has a cute song with Sanjeev and Smita Patil, and about five minutes of Sanjeev being the bromantic comic sidekick to an angsty criminal played by Amrish Puri; that's the limit of its good side.  Baad aur Baadnaam: spy movie starring Sanjeev and Shatrughan, that swings back and forth between So Bad It's Good, So Bad It's Boring and So Bad It's Horrible; I will always treasure the awful disco number where the two male leads completely wig out and start shooting people.  Tumhare Liye: a technically well-made but emotionally warped and aggravating reincarnation romance.  Itni si Baat: some amusing songs, but otherwise a sexist and boring melodrama about a bickering husband and wife who switch jobs for a day.

The worst of the worst: Bud-kaar.  Sanjeev is okay as the Dirty Harry type who loses his badge and turns to drink over an incident of police brutality and his inability to crack a horribly upsetting human trafficking case, but he has only a few scenes, and the rest of the story is about two very boring young lovers trying to crack the same case, made with terrible, terrible production values and a bunch of sleazy, exploitative scenes using the trafficking case as an excuse.  This was one of those Sanjeev movies that was released posthumously, so I doubt he was aware of the more objectionable parts.

The ones I couldn't finish: Pakhandi, starring Shashi as a criminal with a heart of gold and Sanjeev as a womanizing con artist; dreadfully boring, poor songs and production values, and I disliked Sanjeev's character immensely.  Trishna-a thriller with Sanjeev as a workaholic doctor, Rakhee as his neglected wife, and Shashi as the slightly stalkery ex-boyfriend she flirts with and then thinks she kills; all the characters are unsympathetic and annoying, and it doesn't work as a thriller.

***


Akshay Kumar (note: I like, or am amused by, alot of Akki films that other people find offputting, including the 90s Khiladi movies, Tashan, and most of the films he made after Tashan.  Yes, including Thank You, the Housefull movies, and Khiladi 786).

the bottom five percent: Insaaf/Daava/Sapoot/Talaash The Hunt Begins: generic interchangeable action/melodrama hybrids about vigilantes going after bad people, even the action scenes are not up to much.  Talaash has somewhat better production values due to being made in the early 00s, also has a pretty soundtrack and Kareena Kapoor.  Chandni Chowk to China has great production values, nice song picturizations, a fun dual role for Deepika Padukone (her second movie), and a really strong third act, but also way too much of Akki (in a fat suit) playing a particularly whiny, selfish and cowardly Jerry Lewis wannabe, made even worse by Nikhil Advani's trademark sloooooooow paaaaaaaacing.  Kambakkht Ishq-about 25% is a risque but rather charming romcom about two impossibly beautiful people and their love-hate relationship, and another 10% is a pretty neat showbiz procedural about a stuntman's life in Hollyweird; the rest is a painful mess of misogynistic and/or racist and/or boring "jokes". Blue-Zayed Khan is a waste of film, Sanjay Dutt and Lara Dutta are mismatched to say the least, and some parts are kind of sleazy; but the action and underwater scenes are well-done, and Akshay's performance as a Lando Calrissian analogue is a keeper.  

The worst of the worst: Tees Maar Khan.  It has three moderately to very good songs, a cute cameo in the end credits by his wife Twinkle Khanna, two or three really funny sequences, and a scene in a kitchen where Akki shows off his slice-n-dice skills.  The rest of it suffers from unsympathetic characters, unfunny gags, and an aimless plot.  Mohra: four awesome songs/picturizations with a very young and dashing Akki, but most of the movie in between is so relentlessly sexist, illogical, and annoying that Akshay and Paresh Rawal dressing up as Chinese guys (no really) to infiltrate the baddies' organization is actually a high point.

The ones I couldn't finish: Saugandh.  This was Akki's first lead role and has some good fight scenes, but the plot is this awful feuding families melodrama where everyone's a sociopath (yes, including suffering matriarch Rakhee) and the men are mostly misogynists to boot, plus there's cruelty to animals.  Nothing else I've seen from this guy is as bad as the first half of Saugandh.  Ajnabee has some interesting scenes (and Bebo and Bipasha look gorgeous), but Bobby Deol is painfully wooden and Akki compensates by being painfully hammy.  Khatta Meetha-an uncomfortably realistic (and depressing, and boring) portrayal of a dysfunctional family where the grownup sons are all selfish, corrupt businessmen and Akki is merely the least awful (and least successful, and most whiny) of them.  I hate movies that are primarily about realistically petty people beeping each other over for money, and this seems to be one of those.  Great songs and picturizations though.