odadune
Star of the item number
not around much due to stuff in my personal life.
Posts: 1,494
Favorite actor: Currently a certain Kumar, but I like most of them
Favorite actress: whoever's in films I'm interested in this week
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Post by odadune on Oct 26, 2014 4:31:31 GMT
This was a fun thread from the old forums, and I thought it might be cool to revive it.
My advice to the women.
To Madhuri: if someone offers you a good role as a mother with smallish children (the age of your real life kids, for instance) don't automatically turn it down. Be flexible, within limits, on your paycheck-your husband is prosperous, you have a tv hosting job, you guys can't be doing all that badly for money. Choose your next project based on the director as much as the script. And don't give up.
To Priyanka: Don't rely too heavily on Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Dude is pretty talented, but he is also nuts. Don't rely too heavily on the other men in your life either. Save lots of money, invest it wisely, look after your mother. Choose better songs for your recording career, and dial back the autotune. For guidance on how to extend the length of your career beyond that of an average heroine's, look to Rekha's filmography.
To Vidya: wear orange saris and cats-eye makeup more often. Don't let your husband run your life or your career. Never give up, never surrender-but I think you already know that.
To Kareena: I personally think the Kabir Khan movie is a good judgment call, so please don't prove me wrong on that one. If you're going to be making only one film a year for the foreseeable future, make it count.
To Katrina: Please have the cheek fillers removed, they are disturbing. And cut back on the botox. Good luck with Fitoor-I think you are going to nail it, no matter what anyone says. About Ranbir-I don't think he's going to change, so you'll have to make up your own mind about whether you want him in your life as is.
To Sonakshi: Don't let your brothers sponge off of you, and don't do any more cameo favors for friends, or love interest roles in Rajnikanth movies. Don't pin too much hope on a career in the South-the lone female cast member can be something of a pet on a Bollywood masala set, but on a Tollywood or Kollywood set she tends to be more of a bystander. Looking forward to your action heroine role with Murgadoss-good luck. And remember: if you can't get the roles you want in other people's movies, produce your own from time to time.
To Shraddha: Don't rely too heavily on your boyfriend or your father for guidance (although, if the latter disapproves of you working with an established star from the 80s, 90s or 00s, he probably has a reason for it). Don't burn bridges with the media or with film producers. Don't try to overextend yourself in the time-management department. You seem like someone who has a bit of a crazy streak inside-try letting it out in the movies more.
To Parineeti Chopra: I admire your decision to go after meaty roles, even if the films don't always succeed (Dawaat E Ishq) or bring you into contact with people who try to mess with your body image (Hasee Toh Phasee). You've chosen the tougher path, so stay strong and don't falter. And don't let the people who think women should be shaped like twigs dictate to you.
To Lisa Haydon: keep working on dubbing in Hindi-you don't need to be conversationally fluent in it, just capable of understanding and enunciating the words well enough to say them with more or less the correct emphasis and emotional content. Don't go looking for husbands in India. Do keep working in films-you were the best thing about Queen IMO, you will probably be the best thing about the Shaukeens, and sooner or later you will get that dream project-your Ishqiya, your Cocktail. And if you're offered a remake of a Tamil film called Arrambham, make sure that they're offering you the Nayantara role (which has a tragic backstory and some interesting disguise/alter ego stuff going on) and not the Taapsee Pannu role.
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odadune
Star of the item number
not around much due to stuff in my personal life.
Posts: 1,494
Favorite actor: Currently a certain Kumar, but I like most of them
Favorite actress: whoever's in films I'm interested in this week
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Post by odadune on Oct 26, 2014 4:55:29 GMT
my advice to the men:
To Hrithik: Don't take up with any married women, or any women more than ten years your junior. Be nice to your ex-wife: she's still the mother of your children. Stay involved in your children's life. Hire better choreographers. Thumbs up on Mohenjodaro-that project sounds awesome. If you're going to stick to this slow, one film per year schedule for the next 10-15 years, please choose your scripts more carefully.
To Saif: don't get discouraged, your turn is coming. I can feel it, I think Happy Ending may be a turning point for you. Success will come when you are working in roles that suit you, not when you're chasing paychecks. Be cool, be witty, don't try too hard. Don't throw other people under the bus too aggressively when a project goes sour, and try to be graceful when backing out of a project. Ignore the stupidities in the media. Don't let directors or stylists talk you into clothes or hairstyles that you are uncomfortable with.
To Salman: can't criticize your choice of projects-they seem to work for you, and I'm kind of looking forward to the Sooraj Barjatya film. Heck, you're even working with a borderline age-appropriate leading lady (Kareena) in that Kabir Khan movie which is great. My advice to you is: don't let your friends fight your court cases by dirty means-it will only make your life more difficult in the long run. Don't get married-you're pretty clearly not cut out for it or it would have happened by now. Stay away from the steroids. Don't let your brothers run your life...or your movies.
To Shahrukh: again, can't really fault your career choices-recent films have done well for you, upcoming films look interesting. PLEEEEASE stay away from the gymrat look in future, and make your dance choreographers and music directors work harder. "These characters are all incompetent dancers" is not really an adequate excuse for the mediocre choreography I'm seeing in Happy New Year. Work harder at keeping your kids out of the limelight-I know it's difficult but everyone will be happier down the road if you can pull this off.
To Akshay: Okay, I love what you've been doing in terms of dance-oriented and romance-oriented picturizations this year, so keep it up. (That means, do more sweet, sincere romantic picturizations and also dance numbers that challenge your skills without being vulgar, do NOT do exact copies of Blame the Night, Shaayraana and Meherbani for the next five years). Your 2015 lineup looks pretty good overall, and I love both the story idea for Airlift (2016) and the fact that you want to cast 32-yr-old Nimrat Kaur as your onscreen wife in it. However, PLEEEASE let go of your death grip on Yo Yo Honey Singh. And PLEASE don't let people talk you into doing films that are "just like" some other film you just did-that kind of thinking is responsible for both of the major crashes in your career. Regarding Brothers...don't let the two Karans talk you into doing anything you consider unsafe, or into taking steroids. Singh is Bling...please discourage Prabhudheva from including rape-related scenes.
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Post by rose on Oct 26, 2014 9:21:29 GMT
I love this idea, I just want to be a bollywood fixer haha. I don't have time to do everyone but just at the top of my mind
SRK: Quite smoking! You chose to have a new child at your age and now you should ensure your health for him. Also, it's totally make your skin look better aka a little younger. Please get older heroins. 30 and up, okay?
PC: Stop feeding the trolls. I can sense they get to you; the block button is your friend. The popstar thing will never work unless you put in the groundwork.
Vidya: Bobby Jasoos hurt. But your power as a lead wasn't. It just wasn't what the audience wanted. They like you bad, they like you cool. I honestly don't think people want to see you play second fiddle.
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Post by newbiefan on Oct 26, 2014 13:28:29 GMT
Vidya - Don't be disheartened by the box office showing of your recent releases. Ghanchakkar and Bobby Jasoos were not bad films at all, just like NOKJ and The Dirty Picture were not perfect films. There's an element of luck in the BO outcome, it is not always a reflection of the worth of a film. Keep making good choices. The wheel of fortune will turn again.
Kangana - Do not alienate people by venting the frustrations you've built up over the years trying to make headway in this industry. You might feel like you haven't always got what you deserved, but complaining about it all the time, and picking a fight with Sonam Kapoor over some comment she made that was not directed at you is not the way to go. Let your work speak for itself, and remember that what goes up must come down. You'll eventually hit a rough patch and you'll need the help of people in the industry. Don't piss them off.
Hrithik - Make more films, and pick smaller films. These require less investment in terms of money and time, so if they do poorly, shrugging them off is easier. If you only do one film in 2 years, the damage is far more severe if it tanks. Not to mention that smaller productions probably have fewer stunts required, so they are good for your health too. Oh, and don't work with your father. To be frank, your home productions are not very good and they perpetuate the idea that only your dad is keeping your career afloat.
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Post by dancelover on Oct 27, 2014 23:05:25 GMT
Madhuri: Yes, we already know you can play Mohini. You need to expand your range. Hire Derek Hough to choreograph for you. And don't be afraid of children. Kajol has proved that they are not a crime; so has Kareena. Priyanka: Now that you and Parineeti have shown that women *can* be friends, make friends with women not your kin.
Especially in the American Music Industry, where boyfriends come and go, but girlfriends are forever! Carole King is still around. She has helped lots of women singers, and can help you. Dancelover
This was a fun thread from the old forums, and I thought it might be cool to revive it.
My advice to the women.
To Madhuri: if someone offers you a good role as a mother with smallish children (the age of your real life kids, for instance) don't automatically turn it down. Be flexible, within limits, on your paycheck-your husband is prosperous, you have a tv hosting job, you guys can't be doing all that badly for money. Choose your next project based on the director as much as the script. And don't give up.
To Priyanka: Don't rely too heavily on Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Dude is pretty talented, but he is also nuts. Don't rely too heavily on the other men in your life either. Save lots of money, invest it wisely, look after your mother. Choose better songs for your recording career, and dial back the autotune. For guidance on how to extend the length of your career beyond that of an average heroine's, look to Rekha's filmography.
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Post by dancelover on Oct 27, 2014 23:07:49 GMT
Hire a woman choreographer from Dancing With The Stars. Cheryl Burke if you can get her! The ones from So You Think You Can Dance are good, too. Dancelover
my advice to the men:
To Hrithik: [snip] Hire better choreographers. [snip]
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ranranbolly
Guest appearance
Posts: 108
Favorite actor: Ravi Teja
Favorite actress: Deepika Padukone
Upcoming release you're most excited about: Bengal Tiger
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Post by ranranbolly on Oct 28, 2014 5:20:57 GMT
Abhishek - Okay, you're finally the right age. You, Akshaye Khanna, and Ranbir need to get together on an Amar Akbar Anthony remake. I believe in you guys. Also, stop taking roles where you have to be completely clean-shaven. It's not flattering on you.
SRK - Either make that retirement you've been threatening us with, or start taking roles closer to your age. Love you, sweety, but it's becoming a bit of a joke when I see you playing anywhere below the age of 40.
Amitabh - Keep being awesome. Also, make sure you stay alive for at least 30+ more years. Cause you're awesome.
Salman - I can't see your neck anymore, back off on the steroid-weightlifting a bit. Just so you have time to turn your head a bit.
Ravi Teja - Do more serious dramatic roles. You're proven that you can do it. Keep doing comedies, but don't be afraid to stretch a bit. You definitely have the skill.
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Post by emily on Jan 10, 2015 16:31:59 GMT
Abhishek - Okay, you're finally the right age. You, Akshaye Khanna, and Ranbir need to get together on an Amar Akbar Anthony remake. I believe in you guys. Just browsing through old threads and saw this. This. Absolutely this. I will die happy if this happens.
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odadune
Star of the item number
not around much due to stuff in my personal life.
Posts: 1,494
Favorite actor: Currently a certain Kumar, but I like most of them
Favorite actress: whoever's in films I'm interested in this week
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Post by odadune on May 2, 2015 3:43:35 GMT
To all the Bollywood stars over the age of forty, yes, even you Hrithik: Hire good directors of photography, ones who will see to it that you look your best in your scenes with the nice heroine who is younger than your driver's license.
To all the female stars: I'm not going to get too judgmental here, because most of you get enough crap as it is, but will you PLEEEEEEASE stay away from dark lipsticks? Just a personal pet peeve.
To Neeraj Pandey: I enjoyed your last couple of movies, but I think you've reached the point of diminishing returns on the whole twist ending thing. Don't turn into M. Night Shyamalan.
Sanjay Leela Bhansali: Um, I know that tragic endings were kind of inevitable for Ram Leela and Bajirao Mastani given the source material, but could you please give us something with a happy-ish ending (ala Hum Dil de Chuke Sanam) sometime again?
Aditya Chopra: Dude, either pull up your socks as a producer or focus on directing and find someone else to run Yash Raj Films. This is getting silly.
Vinay Matthew: stay away from science fiction plot devices in future, or ask Karan Johar to check with the couple of star wives who actually read this stuff and might have a clue. That way we won't have freaking FLUBBER running around in your next grounded, people-next-door dramedy.
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odadune
Star of the item number
not around much due to stuff in my personal life.
Posts: 1,494
Favorite actor: Currently a certain Kumar, but I like most of them
Favorite actress: whoever's in films I'm interested in this week
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Post by odadune on Jul 12, 2015 16:20:26 GMT
Memo to every writer/director/producer in Bollywood with a pet historical fantasy or historical adventure project: RIGHT NOW, as in the next 2-5 weeks, is the time to be pitching those projects around. Baahubali just grossed 98 crore in two days across all of India, and is on track for a 20-ish crore Hindi-language weekend, which is apparently unprecedented for a dubbed South Indian film. Neeraj Pandey, if you were serious about doing a fantasy film after the Dhoni biopic, I suggest you try to get people on board w/ that as soon as you get a break from your work on the biopic.
To all the stars who are about to have historical fantasy/historical adventure projects narrated to them by everyone and their dog: let me, in my capacity as a longtime watcher and reader of fantasy adventure stories of all kinds, give you some advice on how to judge whether a particular fantasy-adventure project is right for you:
-make them narrate the whole thing. Don't let them skip over any major steps in the plot. If they try to glide past some part with a "vagirah, vagirah" (etc, etc) or "this is your standard maa-baap drama" or "your standard herogiri", make them be specific. If you can't tell what makes this potential film different from all the others, except for the awesomeness of you potentially being involved, ask them outright: "What is unique about this film?" and don't even consider the movie unless you are pleased with the answer.
-Get them to explain the setting of the story clearly. Who is fighting with whom, over what? How do people fight and dance and dress? What kind of animals, real or imaginary, are involved? Which religions are involved? What do the buildings look like? Someone who really cares about getting their fantasy or adventure movie right will have given some thought to this; some may even have a portfolio of images ready to go, but failing that, they should be able to find pictures on Google or videos on youtube (for the fighting and dancing) that give some idea of what they're going for. It doesn't matter whether they are going for a European look, an Alibaba look, or a Baahubali look...the important thing is that they seem to know what they're talking about and you like the look of what you are being shown. (Those of you who have wives or ex-wives working in interior design, feel free to make the filmmaker narrating the project show the visual ideas to the lady in question, if she is willing. A second opinion on these things never hurts.)
-if there are monsters, exotic machines, or supernatural creatures that call for major special effects, ask the filmmaker how they plan to achieve those effects, and how they expect you to interact with the special effects. They should have coherent answers, which you can check against the making-of features on youtube for Baahubali, Robot, Shankar's I, the Lord of the Rings, or any number of Hollywood blockbusters, including the original Star Wars. If they don't seem to know what they're talking about, say no. If it sounds like they need a production budget above 50 crore to make it happen, and do not have Yash Raj Films, Dharma Productions, or Nadiadwala Grandson backing them, say no.
-Say no immediately if the person narrating the film makes a big deal out of any of the following: gory scenes (meaning that they are more interested in the horrible things that happen to the human body when the hero or villain attack, than in the cool stunts the hero or villain pull off when they attack), explicit nudity or sexual content, explicit scatological (poop/pee) content, taboo content (rape, incest, cannibalism, people being forced to do things against their religion, explicit disrespect of any mainstream religion including Islam and Christianity). Yes, Game of Thrones does most of those things, but a 50-hr (and counting) tv series from a foreign tv channel not subject to government censorship can get away with things that would never work in a 3-hr movie that has to be passed by the CBFC and appeal to both mass and class audiences to make its money back.
-Unless it's a filmmaker you really like and trust (or really want to work with), don't say yes right away. Watch everything the filmmaker has scripted or directed, (if they have made less than three feature length movies, check out their student projects, ad films and short subjects). Do they hold your attention? Make you feel like you're inside the city or culture where the movies take place? Do they seem to get good performances out of their actors? Do they make you feel what they want you to feel, or do you find yourself laughing or yawning at things that are supposed to be emotional?
-Basically, all this advice comes down to: don't work with someone who doesn't seem to know what they're doing. This is of course true for all film projects, but while a strong cast who knows their job and are working on a straightforward love story, family drama, or slapstick comedy, can compensate for a director's weaknesses to some extent, there is much less chance of that happening in the world of historical fantasy and historical adventure. You will all be working outside your comfort zone, and you need to have someone in charge with a clear idea of what they want and how to get it.
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